the signs point to NO

well. im lying in my bed .... instead of out to dinner with dan in new york. its a long story. lucky for you all, i now have all week to tell it.

so on friday we tried to call and see if we could get last min cancellation tickets to go to the daily show. the phone line rang and rang and rang and then suddenly it started to go to voice mail every time you called. so i figured, thats out. whatever. we will just do that another time. its ok.

then friday when mary was picking me up to drive to the airport i had the strangest feeling. i remember i kept telling her that i felt weird. like i forgot something or i missed something ... or something. mary, being mary, kept running through things like deoderant, underwear, toothpaste. whatever. we made it thru and got me to the airport, a little later than i wanted to be there, but still with enough time.

then i tried to check in at the kiosk. i was flying on a buddy pass, a stand by employee ticket from my friend. and i had had this fleeting thought the day before that perhaps i should have criags cell phone number or his employee number just in case. but i forgot. and so i didnt. which was a mistake. i wasnt able to check in at the kiosk with out it, and then i waited in line at the wrong check in counter. i ended up just at the baggage check counter instead of the "problem line" you see, since the advent of e-tickets, they dont train employees to deal with regular tickets. so 2 people handle problems. and the rest just chuck the baggage into a bin. 40 min later i had my "you get to wait to" board - pass. (remember... stand by!) security, miraculously, goes ok.

i arrive at the gate and get in line to talk to the agent. there was a long line. this usualy indicates aproblem. i check in with the agent, say im flying stand by. he says, you arent going to get out on this flight, its way over booked ..." and i said thats ok, whens the next one. and he said "that you are going to get on? try tuesday or wednesday" and i said "seriously?!" and he said "seriously. "

and i began to wait.

i sat next to Steve, from brooklyn. he was on a 3pm flight to new york that had been canceld. he had been bumped from 3 flights before this (he would be bumped from two more before he would make it home)

i sat next to a man who was trying to go to new york for the weekend, then go see "the color purple" - there were actualy two different people i met who were trying to see that show.

I sat next to larry, who does not know i know his name. i read it off his ticket while he was checking it. larry didnt introduce himself. larry just keep making comments. like "would you ever wear that dress?"i said ... no, not unless i weight 100 lbs and looked georgous naked. the dress was on a woman who had a few extra lbs, it was white and skin tight. knee lenthg. with bright colorful spots all over it. and the worst part was that she had a multi colored 6 inch belt/sash thing that made her look like a spotted sausage witha twist tie in the middle. larry was funny.

i sat next to a lovely woman who teaches english at a small private university in vermont. i cant remember her first name, sharron or cheryl or something. we talked about students and the "millenios" (she said thats what they call generation Y) and generation X and about education and she told me about the conference she was at in chicago and how she hated traveling. i told her about flying stand by and having waited for hours and hours. at that point, i had been through 8 flights. i told her i was flying to see my boyfriend. she said"wow. now thats true love. are you gonna marry him?" and i said"as soon as he proposes to me" she laughed. she told me i had a good attitude. and then we bitched about the war in iraq and how its a load of crap. and then we debated the importance of literacy vs quantitative literacy (in real life, is language or math more important) and i told her about investment funds. and she said, yeah, i didnt start mine soon enough and thats why im still working now. and i said... see! quantitative literacy! and she said "i think you won that debate" she also told me that if she were me, she would have been in spain with my parents(visiting the sister) i said next time i would call her. we laughed. i liked her.

anyways. back to the time line. so after finding out that there were 137 people ahead of me on the stand by list with out tickets for the flight friday night, i went and stayed with mel at her hotel for the night. i ate dinner and had a drink. and lost my cell phone at the bar. i found itlater. we tried to go online, and the internet cost $15 per day. i overslept this morning and didnt shower before i got the shuttle back to the airport.

i was really holding out hope for the early flights today. maybe people would over sleep or something. noluck. after i missed the first one out, i went to the customer service line because i realized that even if i did get out today or tomorrow,if i couldnt get BACK in time for work there would be no point. i met some lovely people in line for customer service as well. a teacher from wisconsin and her mother. a lady from sandiego. and then i broke the handle on my suitcase. it no longer will retract back into its spot. so its always open.

it was at this point that i began to realize i was fucked. i had started crying at around 7 am. but after the handle broke i think some where deep down i knew it was all over.

customer service said that next weekends flights are all open, but this weekend is sucking. so i decided to wait out the rest of the day. i decided if i can make it out today then ill go. and if i couldnt i would have to say fuckit and just not make it to new york.

every time i had that thought i started to cry. i was crying quietly at one of the gates when a small boy and his mother walked by. he was probably 3 or 4. he looked up and saw my face when his mother could not because she was walking so quickly, and i was looking down.
he stopped dead in his tracks and looked right at me. his mother had his hand and dragged him on. and he said.." but mommy. that lady is crying."

to which i believe i audiably sobbed.

Eventually another flight was cancelled, (i heard that the crew didnt show up) there were 100 people on the stand by list again (it had gotten as low as 30) and then they made an announcement that they had down graded the size of the next plane. so in addition to the 100 standbys, 20 paying customrs that used to have seat assignments were not going to be on that flight.

i then called peg to come and pick me up. it was obvious this was alost cause.

then they announced that they had tried to get the airlines to add another section of a flight to accomodate all the stand bys. but there were no aircraft available. So i stood up and left the airport.

and now im at home. i called united to see about stand by flights tomorrow or monday. and everything is booked tomorrow, and all but two are booked on monday. i bet they will be booked by the end of the night. they claim flying back on saturday would beok for next weekend, but im not sure i believe them. so flying stand by is out.
dan offered to try and find a flight we could by and split the cost. but the cheapest flights on any airline are upwards of 400 right now. and to be honest, as much as i want to see him, i do NOT want this to screw up the money we have saved for brazil. that would be stupid.
i looked into trains. 19 hours. and 300 bucks. thats out.

ive contemplated driving. dan said his parents made it in 11 hours. i drove to miami twice. that owuld be like nothing. however, dan lives in manhatten. theres no way il be able to park. and i will be exausted when i leave, and exhausted when i get back. and ineveitably, my car will break or crash. its the only feasable solution right now. and it really seems stupid.

so now that weve covered all major forms of mass transit, im stuck here in my bed feeling like the greater karmic balance has crapped on me, god hates me and life generally stinks. . no... wait.. thats me. i havent showered in 2 days.

perhaps i should go do that now.

goals

Theres this motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar. and i cant remember exactly how it was worded (or when he said it) but basicaly he said that there was really only one country that he was scared of, and that was the former soviet union. his reasoning... they were the only country that had their national goals written into their constitution.


two years ago i made a list of goals and i put them into my diary. a while back i was going thru old entrys, and i saw that one. I have accomplished every single one.

so, with these thoughts in mind, im making some new goals.

i went an opened a roth ira retirement savings account today. i dont have enough to invest yet and i dont have funds matching at work, so it is the best way to start investing right now. It feels sort of pitiful bc i have so little to invest that any mutual fund shares in my account will have to be purchased quarterly (instead of monthly) because they havea minimum amount that can be purchased. anyways. while i was going thru it all with my financial planner (! i have a financial planner!) he showed me the financial pyramid. your base has 5 things, retirement fund, life insurance, disability insurance, another thing i cant remember but have, and an emergency fund. as of today, i have 4 of those 5 items. so goal number one.

* have an emergency fund savings account.

i think the next one is fairly obvious. i think most people know this is a goal of mine. i have never actualy put it into writing before. and therefore, this is the time.

* get married.

Im not setting qualifications on that, im just throwing it out there. i would like to set time limits on these goals, but i also want to maintain realistic goals. so... the time limits will remain in my head.

something else that ive thought of but never really written out in so many words. and something ive toyed with for years. and danced around and never really committed to. i know i need to commit to this. i havent decided how. but i also realize the power of writing it down.
Its something ive done before. and im going to do it again.

* loose 10 lbs. and keep it off.

I started cleaning out my shit when we moved in august. it made me feel really good. and acomplished. i felt like a functioning adult human being. and its something that i never finished. i did enough to move easily, and then lazyness set it.

* finish the organization and purge of my worldly posessions.

my last goal (for now) is inspired by several people i know who have started selling their hand made items online, and my sister whos following what she loves to do. I love what i do. i love quilting. I love crochet and knitting. and im good at it. I want to feel like owning a sewing machine is justified. i want to be justified in purchasing expensive and high quality materials. ive made quilts before that sold at auction. i sold scarf and glove sets. i can do this, i just want to do it semi-regularly.

* make my crafting hobbies marketable, and sell some item(s) for profit. (and secondary to that, finish old projects that i started)



Jesus. those are some hefty goals. its scary to have them out there. but when i was in Pete's office today, i saw that he had his goals on a laminated card front and center on his desk. you know what. thats balls out. and any one who goes that balls out with their goals is going to meet them. I want to be like that.

allright. heres a toast to me. im off to go pack, i have to be up at 4 tomorrow morning driving my parents to the airport. and in just a few years ill be a thin financialy stable married woman with her own craft shop. hey. its a goal.

I am here

its been so long its like ive forgotten how to do this.

its just that my brain seems to be all clogged up. like i have writers block. which is just plain stupid. how can you have writers block in your own blog. i mean really.

I am leaving for new york on friday. that is good. this week will be hell, grades are due in wed am, and im stalling on finishing some stuff up. i just shouldnt accept any late work. but i do. i have so many make up tests and shit like that its sick.

things to do. so many things to do.

need to do laundry so i can pack.
need to pay rent
need to go to the bank.
need to wax uni-brow.
need to pay bills.
need to pack danny's dvds.
need to grade makeups.


anyways. enough of that.

I spent the past week or so helping my mom scan all sorts of old photos and documents from my grandpa's estate. there were tons and tons of old letters. Ive tried writing letters, and to me, like most things in life, i cant seem to do it unless it serves an actual purpose. I cant write a letter because any useful information i need to convey will allready be communicated by the time the letter has been recieved. Same thing with walking or running. it needs to serve a purpose. ill run if im playing a game, and ill walk if i have somewhere to walk to (like work or something) anyways, i sort of wish there were still a need for that sort of communication. the letters i got to see were so eloquently worded. there was an art to it. my grandfather had only minimal education, i dont think he completed high school, but his letters read like those of a far more educated man. plus there was a sort of properness about it all. a formality. he could cut you a new one and youd never know it happened because he was complimenting you the whole way.
the other very interesting thing to see was all the 2nd hand information. some copies of letters were things papa had written, but far more of them were responses to him from friends and family. oh the family history that no one ever spoke of. i got to see photos of my grandpa's second wife. no one EVER speaks of her. they were married breifly and divorced quickly. i only found out she existed bc i was a nosey kid and listened in on my moms conversation. but now, i got to see photos. and my grandfather kept correspondance with a priest in rome, and he was apparently asking for advice. i guess every one was telling my grandpa to re-marry after my grandmother passed away. his youngest child was 4 at the time, and even his mother in law was telling him to find some one else. and he dated Irene for like 8 years before their failed marriage. she was a widow and had two children of her own. the whole story just facinates me. maybe some day ill write a novel about it.

other random things i found. my grandmas wedding budget. hysterical.


and something else that just makes me laugh like hell. this is a photo of me when i was 3. and the back is my fathers handwriting, except for my signature. it just cracks me up.


and on that note, im off to pay my rent and do laundry.
:)