gurgles

Im sitting at my computer, its 4:30, i just ate lunch. and my stomach is gurgling.

hit it.

Stupid cold has taken over my body. im sniffy, throat scratchy, and perhaps the worst, my ears are congested. its a bizzare feeling. I know enough to keep myself medicated enough that the general public can not see how sick i am. it helps that i slept for 4 hours yesterday after school, and still got a full nights sleep.

Im ditching tuesday night tv/halo in favor of my bed. well, my bed and the 40 thousand things i need to do. I have a list of people to return phone calls to, and they wont be short calls, and i dont really want to have them at marjories house. it would be rude. i also need to write a letter of recommendation for one of the teachers at school. he has been nominated for the "rising star" award. I dont know that any other faculty has written his recommendation letters, so i feel like i ought to. Karma or something.

I dont always feel very acomplished. i know that ive completed my master degree, and ive got a teaching certificate and im smart or whatever. but you know, when you write it all down on one sheet of paper, it doesnt feel like alot. i guess i just hope that one day ill be a good enough teacher to actualy make an impact and not just be another warm body at the front of the class room in the string of teachers each student has in a life time. I want to make an impact.

i guess thats all every one wants isnt it. we all want to do something and know that weve made a difference. left a mark. changed the world. i dont pretend to think that im talented enough or bright enough to be one of those people that every one recognizes. the famous difference makers. but it would be nice to find out in 20 years that some one did something for good that had a little bit to do with me.

I guess thats part of the reason i take comfort in my belief that everything has an effect. that life is one chain reaction. that coincidence happens so god can stay a mystery.
if i never went to montini, id never have met peg.
if i never met peg, id never have met dan.
if i never met dan id be sad.
if i never met dan, peg would have never met lonnie.
if peg never met lonnie, peg would be sad.


When i look at things like that, it makes me feel better about the awkward inbetween times. the times that dont make sense. the silly waiting, or hurting. sure, they sucked. but something better always came.

i think i may have just motivated myself to go work out tonight, even if i am sick. huh. look at that. no one is more surprised than I.

toodles.
tree